When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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