i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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