So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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