That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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