I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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