Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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