You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
