wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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