Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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