i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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