I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
