It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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