when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
