I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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