Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
