Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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