Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
