take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
