We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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