I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
