So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
