Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
