Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
