What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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