I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this just has baby written all over it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
