Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
