that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize