You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
