ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
