you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
