I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
