I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize