Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
