Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
