He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
