I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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