I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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