he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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