she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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