I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
