We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
