my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
