I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize