yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
