three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
