today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
