You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
