i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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