I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
