After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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