It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
