It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
