The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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