It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ttyl tear gas
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
