I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
