Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
