it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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