At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
