If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
