I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
