well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
