I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
