He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
