My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
