Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize