But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
